Sex therapist Sarah Berry egg-splores the wonder of these two pleasure givers with Chocolate v Kegel Eggs!
This Easter, millions of ladies will feel delight in unwrapping the bright foil Easter eggs from (hopefully) their favourite confectioner. But it is my happy job as Crowned Jewels’ therapist by-appointment to help you think outside the chocolate box. So why not lay an egg that improves health, gives pleasure and isn’t gone in a few gobbles? Actually you’re welcome to have both but in the spirit of fun I’ve decided to pit the luxurious Crowned Jewels Kegel Eggs against our traditional chocolate eggs. So mouths and mounds at the ready…
Chocolate: While we all know too much of the brown stuff leads to weight gain, heart disease and diabetes, a little dark chocolate reportedly helps support our cardiovascular system, reduce coughing and ward off cancer.
Kegels: Use of these eggs can help relax you, intensify orgasms, ease childbirth and stave off both incontinence and prolapses. They come in two sizes to help you build up your vaginal stamina! We recommend you start with the larger egg that is 2.9cm in diameter and takes less kegel effort to hold. Then when you’re ready, move on to the smaller one that has a 2.5cm diameter. Unlike chocolate, the more you use them, the better!
Best for hunger
Chocolate: While it may not be as hunger quenching as, say, a bowl of pasta, chocolate certainly does fill a hole in one’s appetite.
Kegel: Well these eggs do fill a hole (arf arf) but you’re more likely to be hungrier after a session with one of these lovelies.
Chocolate: Since the Aztec times chocolate has been used as an aphrodisiac. However in the 1980s US researchers found that the body doesn’t absorb enough of the choccie nerve stimulant phenyl ethylamine (PEA) to affect us. So it is seems that the only thing these eggs arouse is our taste buds!
Kegels: If you insert one of these weighted eggs and do some kegel squeezes or masturbate, there is a very high chance of arousal!
Chocolate: Peeling open that brightly coloured foil to discover the delicious, sometimes engraved, prize inside transports me straight back to childhood. I love it!
Kegel: They come in a range of gorgeous colours and look like expensive jewels. This appeals to the happy adult in me.
Winner: It’s a draw
Chocolate: When chocolate is gone, it’s gone. Even if you are one of those blessed few that can manage to eke out an egg for weeks until it gets that dusty layer on it, you either eat it eventually or chuck it.
Kegel: These eggs are titanium and can last… well I guess they can last forever, which is a lot longer than than most chocolate and relationships. So you can feel the pleasure again and again.
Chocolate: How do you eat your cream egg? I bite off the top and take a big lick of the inside. Some use a spoon, others like to suck… the possibilities are rumoured to be endless.
Kegel: While wearing an egg you can masturbate, have sex, do the shopping (though this is only recommended for experienced users as you don’t want it dropping out!).
Winner: It’s a draw
Chocolate: Chocolate is one of the worlds most popular foods but not everyone likes it. While lactose intolerance and milk chocolate are not happy bedfellows and those with medical conditions like diabetes have to content themselves with dietary products, there are some poor souls who have a full blown chocolate allergy and need to steer clear of the whole lot!
Kegel: The Crowned Jewels’ Kegel eggs are made of medical grade titanium. As like chocolate, Kegel eggs aren’t to everyone’s taste. I wouldn’t recommend them if you find penetration difficult. Oh and the eggs aren’t for men – pop one of these up your bum and you may need a trip to A&E. Now that’s not our idea of a fun Easter egg hunt.
Winner: It’s a draw
Chocolate: Of course there are certain eggs that have presents inside: whether it’s a bag of sweets or a kinder toy, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Kegel: A kegel egg from loved one will likely be an un-egg-spected surprise. For an even bigger thrill, warm it under the hot tap or cool it in the fridge before inserting!
Chocolate: Well we can’t deny that even posh Easter eggs are cheaper than the Crowned Jewels ones. But their use is short lived (as we saw in the endurance heat).
Kegel: OK so they cost from £64 but if you look at cost per use, then these win the egg and poonai race.
So while Kegel eggs may win this ever so slightly biased egg-stravaganza, I have decided to declare every egg an Easter egg. So dear reader, have a lovely time whichever egg you choose.