You can have great sex without an erection
What do you do when you can’t achieve an erection when you want one? It can happen to any man at any time, but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy great sex and intimacy. Erectile problems can be caused by many different things. Stress, anxiety and life pressures can all contribute, so once you have been to see your GP to rule out any medical problems, it’s time to consider your options. There are lots of ways of continuing a fulfilling and enjoyable intimate relationship. Once you remove the focus of sex being all about penetration and reaching orgasm, it opens up all sorts of possibilities to enjoy yourselves.
Talk about it
Be open with your partner and discuss your hopes, desires and hidden kinks. Explore what you both like and would like to try. How you like to be touched? Does rope play, temperature play or being blindfolded turn you on? Just talking about it brings a better level of understanding, intimacy and trust into your relationship, building closeness and stimulating arousal. Now is your chance to try something new, maybe something you haven’t dared to ask for before. Be bold – it could be brilliant!
It’s not all about Sex
Develop your intimacy in other ways other than sex. Go for a long walk, holding hands, being aware of your touch and your bodies brushing against each other.The simple pleasure of being together. Walks are a good place to chat – sometimes it’s easier to broach delicate subjects when you’re not facing each other.
Indulge in a leisurely meal together – shared finger foods can be a more intimate way of enjoying a relaxed dinner with a sensual element.
Try a scalp, foot or body massage with scented oils. Massage is a wonderful way to get up close and personal with your loved one without having sex and can be a great way to relax you both.
Explore a more intimate touch
Oral sex is often just thought of as being part of foreplay, but when it comes to getting really intimate with your partner, it’s about as close and personal as it gets. Giving oral sex can be just as pleasurable as receiving and fellatio can be highly enjoyable whether a penis is erect or not.
Hands and fingers are incredibly sensitive and stroking, drawing circles and maybe even gently using your nails up and down the body heightens the senses and teaches you where your body is most reactive.
The perineum, between the anus and penis is incredibly sensitive, as are the scrotum, penis and testicles regardless of an erection. Most men will find great pleasure from being touched, fondled and caressed whether erect or not. The penis does not need to be the focus for intimate enjoyment.
Experiment with Anal Sex
This can be a sensitive subject to some men but if you can remain open to trying it, it can be an immensely pleasurable experience. Simple anal sex can be quite enjoyable. Prostate or p-spot stimulation is also a revelation to most men. Massaging the prostate gland can stimulate intensely enjoyable sensations and orgasm without erection or ejaculation.
It is important to plan ahead. Do your research on what to do or expect. Buy a good quality lube and use plenty of it. Invest in good toys to enhance your experience (see below) and most importantly, take your time. It will be a completely new sensation and will take a little getting used to but well worth a try.
Play with toys
Sex toys for both sexes are now more common and acceptable in the bedroom than they have ever been. There should be no guilt or shame in adding a little fun into your sex lives and toys should always be seen as an addition to your intimate playtime to enhance your enjoyment.
If you are discovering the pleasures of anal sex, do your research, check out the bloggers recommendations and invest in some good quality toys. For a first experience, our Aluminium range of Plugs and Dildos are perfect, as they are lightweight and glide smoothly, especially with a good lube.
Alternatively, try using a vibrator on his genitals – they’re not just for girls! They can bring about wonderful sensations when used all over the body, on the penis and around the perineum too.
Useful links with Advice and Help for Anal Sex Beginners
Award winning writer and sexual adviser Cara Sutra has lots of good advice, links and tips on her website about all aspects of sex, intimacy and toys
A more medical approach with a guide to self exploration and the benefits it can hold
Guides to Tantric, Sensual and Erotic Massage